As parents, we often hear from those who have parented before us the wisdom of Proverbs 22:6 – ”Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” What our well-meaning predecessors often leave out, however, is just how we can practically strive toward the principle in the proverb. If you feel like the task of training up a child is daunting, take heart; you are not alone!
The important part is deciding you’re willing to put in the effort to train your child(ren). Make no mistake; training up a child is not something that simply happens. It takes time, effort and intention…but the hope of raising children who become adults who love the Lord makes it worth it. What must you do to train up a child?
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to family discipleship. God’s Word clearly gives us the why, but it leaves room for how to best implement it in our own lives. Every family is different, and what works for one family may not work for another. The goal isn’t perfection, but faithfulness. The guide below is intended as a starting point with tips for those who want to begin or tweak their family’s journey.
Make a Commitment
A defining moment in your parenthood journey is the day you decide you will commit to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
Just get started.
You don’t have to have the next 18 years planned out. Just like anything else long-term, your day-to-day commitment will bend and change as the years pass. What’s most important, however, is that you remember why it matters. If you don’t teach your children about Jesus, who will? While the church is (and should be) a huge resource and source of encouragement as you raise your children, it is primarily the parents’ responsibility for forming their children’s worldview and encouraging their walks with the Lord.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reminds us that we are to not only love the Lord personally, but to diligently teach our children about Him as well. Our homes and our families should be places where we speak openly and often about who the Lord is and what He has done for us.
Start Small
Once you commit to getting serious about family discipleship, start small. Set goals you know you can meet in order to create a good habit.
Family devotions don’t have to be elaborate. Some days, devotions may take you only five minutes. God doesn’t set a time requirement on studying His Word. Rather, He honors our intentions and efforts when we seek His wisdom (Proverbs 2:1-5). Your content and discussion will vary based on your focus passage, the age of your kids and the nature of your family’s schedule. The important thing is to make habits that work for your family’s structure and rhythm.
Be sure to take into account the ages of your children and the average attention spans and capabilities of that age group. For families with toddlers, devotion time may be as simple as reading one Bible story from an age-appropriate story-telling Bible and asking one question while you’re sitting around the dinner table. If your children are older, you may have deep theological studies with lengthy application discussions. Maybe you are morning people who can kick off the day with a family devotion. Perhaps you homeschool and can work in a lengthy study each school day. It doesn’t matter when you do it; just pick what is likely to set your family up for success!
Don’t be intimidated. It is OK if you’re learning alongside your kids as you’re teaching them. If this is your situation, be humble (James 4:6). You do not have to pretend to know all of the answers. Be honest and seek God’s truth together. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given him” (James 1:5).
Set the Example
Even when we don’t realize it, our kids watch us. They see our actions and reactions. They watch our habits as they learn to make sense of the world. When your children see you living out your faith authentically, they learn that following Jesus is a choice every day, not just a Sunday activity.
As we strive to lay a biblical foundation for our kids, we must be intentional about weaving our love for the Lord into our daily lives, not just tacking it on to the end of a day. Kids are perceptive and will notice if our words don’t match our actions!
Our love for the Lord should be evident in our speech (Psalm 34:1, Deuteronomy 6:6-7). As you talk over your kids’ days, take the opportunity to assert godly wisdom into their struggles and victories. Likewise, let it be commonplace to speak of how God is blessing you or how you are seeking His guidance in your own life. Additionally, It should not be a foreign concept for our kids to see our love for the Word of God and our value of it for instruction (Psalm 119:105, 2 Timothy 3:16-17).
Pray Together
Another important aspect of family discipleship is prayer. Praying with our children is a practical way to model our dependence on God. As we relinquish control of our wants and desires, we teach our kids to be like Jesus and ask “not my will, but yours, be done” (Luke 22:42). Prayer helps us give our kids the tools to release the ever-increasing anxieties of this world in exchange for God’s perfect peace (Philippians 4:6-7).
Prayer also gives us an opportunity to give thanks to God and remember how He has been faithful to us (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Ephesians 5:20).
Prayer does not have to be elaborate. It should be heartfelt and honest, and it can be a shared responsibility amongst the family. If this is new territory for your family, consider following the ACTS method for prayer:
- Adoration: Praise God for who He is and what He has done.
- Confession: Admit that you aren’t perfect and that you need God’s guidance. This is also a great time to ask for forgiveness for any time you’ve sinned against your family that day.
- Thanksgiving: Thank God for what He has done in your family and the many blessings in your life. Acknowledge any answered prayers.
- Supplication: Bring your requests to God and ask Him to align your will with His.
Give Yourself Grace
Finally, give yourself grace. Even with the best of intentions, you will still stumble, because you are a human living in a sinful world. No one expects you to be perfect. You may get started and lose your rhythm. That’s OK; get started again. Each time you pick yourself up and start again, you’re showing your kids the value of humble perseverance.
Additionally, your mistakes and missteps are an opportunity for you to receive God’s grace and extend it toward yourself. Your weakness is an opportunity to rest in His power (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
Even as you give yourself grace, also practice accountability. Give your family permission to hold each other accountable for your devotion and prayer times, building each other up and spurring each other on (Hebrews 10:24-25). You’ll never regret the time you spend pouring Truth into your children!
Recommended Resources
Ready to start, but don’t know what resources to use? Here are some of our favorite biblical resources to jumpstart family discipleship.
