Marriage is beautiful and one of the greatest blessings in life, but that doesn’t mean marriage goes without challenges. As believers, we should want to steward our marriages well, and render marriages that honor and glorify the Lord, while serving our spouses intentionally and unconditionally. How can we do this? Consider these 10 reminders for your marriage.
- Your Marriage is Bigger than Two People
In the Bible, we learn that marriage is ordained and carefully designed to reflect the Lord’s relationship with His people and to ultimately give God glory (Ephesians 5:25-32). Your marriage is not created by your spouse. Your marriage was created by, designed by, and should be maintained by the Lord. Therefore, marriage is more than just taking care of your spouse’s needs. It’s about glorifying God and His character through the way you love and treat your spouse. It is a reflection of Christ and His church. Yes, we want to serve our spouses, but ultimately your marriage should be bringing glory to God.
- You must spend more time with the Lord if you want your marriage to be healthy.
Do you want to be a better spouse? Do you need to work on some areas of how you treat your spouse? It starts with spending more time with the Lord. You are only as good to your spouse publicly as you are with the Lord privately. The best thing you could do for your spouse is spend more time with the Lord so He can transform you (Romans 12:1-2).
- Pray for your spouse, and pray with your spouse.
Do you pray for your spouse? Pray for your spouse specifically. Pray for one aspect of your spouse’s life everyday. This can look like praying for spiritual strength on Monday or praying for your spouse’s holiness on Friday. Whatever that might look like for you, boldly intercede on behalf of your spouse and lift these requests up to the Lord (Philippians 4:6-8). As believers, we should be praying with our spouses all the same. This may present a challenge, as it requires finding a time away from distraction or interruption to pray together. Work hard to be intentional in praying with your spouse. Foster a healthy prayer life among you and your spouse, and honor the Lord together in it.
- Do church together.
When a married couple worships, participates in a small group, and serves together, it creates a strong and healthy bond. Walking with Jesus together in the community of a local church can be difficult with different seasons of life. Nevertheless, it is worth it to create a pattern of participating in church alongside your spouse. As you navigate busy schedules, pursue consistency in church together. Consider going on a mission trip together, participating in a small group together, serving in a ministry together, or worshiping together every Sunday. In the New Testament, we learn about Aquila and Priscilla, a married couple who came in contact with Paul in his second missionary journey (Acts 18:2-3). Aquila and Priscilla were tentmakers like Paul, and they joined Paul for part of his journey as they continued in their trade. They even hosted a church in their home (Romans 16:3-5). Aquila and Priscilla stewarded their marriage to foster hospitality and to honor God by sharing the gospel and loving His people (Acts 18:24-26). How can you foster a God-honoring marriage with your spouse? How are you doing church together, as one? Pursue and walk with Jesus together in your marriage. Couples who love Christ do church together.
- Understand how to love and communicate effectively
We can often assume that how we want to be loved is how our spouse wants to be loved. But that’s not always the case. Get to know how your spouse feels the most loved and seen, and work to love your spouse in that specific way. Love your spouse selflessly and unconditionally as Christ loves you (John 13:34-35, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 1 Corinthians 16:14). Loving your spouse well may also mean learning how to communicate in the way they hear most effectively. We often communicate to our spouses the way we want to be communicated to. The way you hear, however, may not be the way your spouse hears or communicates. Maybe you are a verbal communicator, and your spouse would rather internally or silently process conflict at first. Communicate lovingly, and build one another up (Ephesians 4:29). Understand how your spouse hears best, and work together to both communicate effectively.
- Compliment your spouse specifically.
What really connects a married couple is when a spouse compliments specifically. Complimenting specifically is about going beyond the daily “I love you” and “Thank you,” and even the general, “You’re doing a great job.” This may look like saying, “I love the way you talk with gentleness and patience to me and the kids. Thank you for teaching our kids what it looks like to work to be more like Jesus everyday.” Love your spouse intentionally and respectfully (Ephesians 5:22-33). Whatever this looks like for you, find a specific compliment that you see in your spouse and express your appreciation. Compliment your spouse specifically.
- His and Her Money = Problems
Finances measure where our priorities are. Jesus speaks on the topic of money multiple times in the Bible because of the risk at hand if we do not understand how to steward and manage our money within our marriages (Matthew 6:21-24). We end up with the wrong priorities. If a couple should be “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24) in their priorities, they should be one in their finances. In your marriage, be “one” with your spouse in how you choose to spend, invest, and earn your money.
- Parenting: Us against them
How you discipline and raise your children alongside your spouse can affect the intimacy and love in your marriage. This is why the mindset must be “us against them.” This is not to create division, but it is so that you and your spouse can stay within the same goal of parenting. Don’t allow parenting styles or your children’s needs to divide you and your spouse in your purpose in parenting. There should be unity within your marriage as you are “one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31) working to parent together. Discuss with your spouse what your standard of parenting will be, what the goal is, what matters the most, and how you will parent and love your children according to that plan (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Don’t reach the point where you are divided by your children. It’s you and your spouse against the world as you protect your children.
- Sex matters
Sex and your sex life matters. Sex has three purposes. First, sex promotes procreation and the possibility to have children. It also is for protection. Sex protects your marriage as you love your spouse intimately in a safe environment, and it is a protection against sexual temptation outside of your marriage. Sex is a gift from God that was designed to be something to enjoy and seek pleasure from with your spouse within the confines of marriage (Genesis 1:28, Genesis 2:24).
The most important part of sexual pleasure and intimacy is choosing whether you will be selfish or selfless about sex. When you are selfish with sex, you pursue your spouse in a way that is focused on your needs and wants with little attention to the needs of your spouse. Selfishness in sex may mean that you want sex more than you should and you use your spouse as an object. When you are selfless with sex, you are approaching your spouse with a servant heart saying, “I exist for your pleasure.” It is about paying more attention to your spouse’s pleasure than your own (Philippians 2:3-4). When a married couple is selfless in sex, love and intimacy will be healthy and strong (1 Corinthians 7:4).
You lust or want whatever you dwell on in this life. All humans want whatever they dwell on the most. This is the danger of dwelling on pornography or another person outside of our marriage, because it becomes something we want or lust over as we dwell on it. Protect yourself and your spouse from lusting over or wanting anything that is not your spouse (Hebrews 13:4). Dwell on your spouse, and help foster a healthy and godly sexual intimacy in your marriage.
- Live your life to encourage your spouse to be more like Jesus
The goal of your marriage should be challenging and encouraging your spouse to grow closer to Christ. Encourage and spur your spouse on to be more like Jesus (Hebrews 10:24). When you or your spouse go to be with the Lord, will you be able to look back and say, “I am closer to Christ because I married this person”? This is the end goal– to be sanctified and edified in your marriage to make you more like Christ and grow in your relationship with Him. As you prepare your own heart for eternity, challenge your spouse to strive for holiness and godliness in this life all the same (2 Peter 3:10-12). The goal is to pursue Christ and be sanctified in your walk with Him. Start today– live your life so your spouse is more like Jesus.
